play this at my funeral

I listened to one of my favorite's this morning. Here are some of the lyrics...

For years you've met our thirst, Still deserts we have roamed
But we'll be done dust with dirt when the ocean calls us home
We'll fall into the arms Of a cool and sweet embrace
Under stars and waving palms We'll shed our sin like snakes
And time will cease to stalk us and death will be undone
And we'll shine with the light of a thousand blazing suns

It is a song called Weary Saints by Dustin Kensrue. I recommend it to you all, and if any of you are still around when I meet my end, tell someone to play this at my funeral. And when the song is over I want everybody to cheer that My Father has brought me home to be with Him.

I have felt weary recently. Of course my wife noticed before anybody else. My response to be being tired, to not having answers, to not knowing what to do is usually a shutting down of my normal personality and assuming escapism. Golf, video games, books, sports, give me anything but reality. It's not that I am necessarily afraid to take on the things put on my plate, but I don't know what to do with them. So I just do what I know what to do. And I do not do what I should.

Once Niki pointed out my shut down (hence the lack of desire to update this blog), I started thinking about what questions I have that are really unanswered, what thirst do I have that has not been met, what part of my life has really been left without direction? Yeah, our church is in spiritual and emotional turmoil (the elephant in the room), my job does not seem stable, we live upstairs in our parents house, and we have a little baby coming soon and very soon. But at what point has Jesus ever left me to figure out these sorts of problems on my own? He has always fed the ravens of the air and clothed the lilies of the field and He has always met my thrist in the past, so why would any of that change today?

I read Proverbs 30 this morning and God reminded me that he is God, that His every Word has been proven true and that He is my shield and refuge. The writer of proverbs says that he only really needs two things, truth and food. What one of these things do I lack? I have the truth of a God who has sacrificed His Son for my sake, so there is no longer any condemnation for me. And I have the promise of the God of all creation, that He will provide for me. In fact, I probably eat too much (as my gut is testament to). What problems do I have that won't be solved in time?

I am not saying we don't face legitimite problems in our lives. We do. God Himself said that suffering will be part of our reality. My point is that if we take a good long look at our lives, our communities, our churches, and our families, what indiction has God ever given that he will not provide for those who earnestly seek Him. Shoot, the Bible says he even provides for those who don't seek Him.

God is going to provide. The questions I have today will be answered and more will come, and there will be more opportunity for me to trust that God will provide for those. At points, I will be tired, and at points I will want to give up, but God gives to those who give it up to Him. And one day, for those that have believed in the power of Christ's blood for redemption, we will go home and we will be at peace and we will be with Christ. And that in itself is enough of an answer to keep me from wondering what is next.

Proverbs 30:7-9
Two things I ask of you;
deny them not to me before I die:
Remove far from me falsehood and lying;
give me neither riches; feed me with food that is needful for me,
lest I be full and deny you and say, "Who is the The LORD?"
or lest I be poor and steal
and profane the name of my God.

God will provide for our community, he will give us answers, and he is faithful even when we are faithless.